Check It


I am pretty sure that my children believe me to be a “maid to order” service.  Someone who crafts individualized daily meal plans that allows food to magically appear on their plates; the paranormal occurrence of clean clothes turning up  in their dressers.  I am confident that they believe my sole purpose in life is to stand at the sink doling out glasses of water and scrubbing dirty dishes.

My offspring have seemed to learn that part of being in a big family is if they are not loud, then they will starve.  I have always prided myself on being responsive to others and lending an open ear.  I never thought I was one to disregard my children, but one thing you perfect when you have kids is the art of ‘The Big Ignore’.   I have accidentally conditioned them to go straight for the yell.  As a momma I have been shouted at by my kids more than I did as a child by my parents {what’s that now?}

Someone always needs something, but it is never the same thing.  I suspect the individual that came up with the phrase “opposites attract” had a litter of children.  If one is hot then the other is inevitably cold.  I have my kids believing that my 10 year old mini van is capable of having individualized temperature regulated vents.  It is easier to lie to them than to try to rationalize with them, clearly.

They have yet to learn that momma can only be in one place at a time with her two hands.  For instance,  they have been known to voice discontent {otherwise known as yelling, er, projecting} their objections freely.  I have been howled at for…

…stopping at a red light intersection.  When I say:

“I have to stop otherwise we will get into an accident.”  

Their response:

“What’s accident?”  

“Another car will hit us.”

” No they won’t.”  

“Yes they will.”  

“No they won’t.”

And this continues basically until the light turns green.  Apparently they have places to be as they do not like the car to be in the stopped position.

…for dinner while I am making their food.  Water and meals can never be made fast enough for my crew who is always famished even when they have just been fed.  That is, until food is placed on the table.

…for putting a limit on how many fruit roll ups a human being should consume in 24 hours.  My five ate 48 rolls in 48 hours.  If I am being honest, I am responsible for about 25% of that consumption.  They are delicious and tiny.  At least they have fruit in the title.  I set a grand example.

…for making a “no sledding down the stairs” rule.  The fact that I had to make one, tells you everything.

…for telling them not to eat raw ground beef and touch a hot stove.  Apparently trying to protect them from food poisoning and third degree burns is cause for debate.

…for not letting them back in my tummy.  I have tried provide my baby boy with a logical explanation:

“There is nothing to do in there.”

His response:

“Yes there is.  I can watch t.v.”

Oh child.

Now you know why I am a master tuner outer.  And why I am going gray.

Follow me on Instagram!  @arebelhousewife






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