Niche-less

I should call this blog:

“Six months on, six months off

My love for writing is never ending, but my fear of vulnerability is overwhelming. 

I’ve been told repeatedly that in order for this blog to grow I need find my “niche.” An incessant people pleaser, I’ve come on here and tried to find a pack to run with.

A blogger world and social media society telling me that putting myself in a box will lead to success.

Wrap it up with a bow, they say. Present it to the world looking all nice and pretty and perfect, they say.

But, I have to tell you a secret: I am a mess. 

I am always trying to find my way to somewhere. 

I am always looking for someone to tell me to “keep going” and that I’m “doing great!”

I am also someone who is working on telling herself that.

I am someone who has, at times, debilitating depression and crippling anxiety.  I’m someone trying to navigate through life. 

I am someone who has zero energy at night. My kids more often than not fall asleep on the couch in front of the television because my tired eyes just cannot stay open long enough to tuck them in.

I am someone who doesn’t have professional appearing photos on my feed.  They are usually blurry and I like them that way.  They remind me I was really in the moment; focused on capturing the feeling and not an illusion.

I am someone searching for something.   Who is afraid to say that she is a dreamer because it’s not practical.  I am someone on the hunt for internal peace and for indulging in all the things that bring me joy. 

I am not just raising kids.  I am not just a working mom.  I am not just someone who cannot let a coupon expire even though there is nothing I “need.”

But if we are being real, there’s always something I “need”. 

I am not just a nurse practitioner.  I am not just a writer.  I am not just a wife.  I am not just a friend.  I am not just depression.  I am not just building a foundation that fuels my soul.  I am not just on a debt payoff journey which seems more like a ‘debt is going no where and is here to stay forever‘ journey.  I am not just a Christian.

I am all of it. 

And maybe even more.

It has taken me years of therapy to not put myself in a box.  To look at myself from all angles, to realize that I am a whole, multifaceted person. 

One who finds writing therapeutic. 

One who has a dream to publish her stiiiiiill in process book.

One who is experimenting with consistency. 

It’s taken me three years to find the strength to admit that my niche is my life.  I don’t write about these things because I am special or unique. 

I write about them because I am not. 

I hope that you will like my less than perfect yet honest portrayal of reality and that you will share my:

“Why is she writing about this?” blogs. 

I hope to both inspire and find inspiration along the way. 

And maybe, just maybe, that little chapter book I am writing will find it’s way into a publisher’s hands.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s