Here’s a fact most of us don’t want to say because it makes us sound bitter and jaded but I’m going to say it anyway because- well maybe I am bitter and jaded. But when I reflect on this truth I don’t do it with bitterness in my heart; I do it with an understanding and acceptance of the human experience.
So let me take a deep breath in, followed by a slow, soft breath out and say the thing I’m not supposed to say (fun fact, I wrote a whole book on things I’m not supposed to say and also the irony of this caveat comment and subsequent linking of said book is displayed later in this passage): people don’t actually want to see you be successful. They want to be akin to your success.
Ruh-roh. I can feel the defensive “buts” through my screen but hear me out.
Of course we all have our people- friends and family and soul supporters we’ve picked up along the way that truly want to see us having the conventional success they know our passion deserves. They so believe in our stories and our message that they show up and shout out when no one else does.
Especially then.
But the collective people. The collective people are not so interested in our success. They’re interested in what our success offers them.
They want to be able to say they knew us when and they got us where we’re going and that our “worldly importance” is a reflection of theirs.
People can’t help it. People want purpose and people want applause. People want to be seen.
And since our work can’t solely survive on our sole supporters, we’re constantly selling ourselves to the collective.
We’re embarking on marketing campaigns and teaser trailers: “You just wait, something big is coming! You will want to be a part of it!”
*Reference aforementioned parentheses because old habits die hard*
And if you can get enough collective people to believe you’re on your way to the top of a big successful mountain where the view is not only beautiful but exclusive and that they’re going up there with you, then you’ll probably get ‘there’.
You’ll get to the proverbial there in social media follows and product sales. You’ll get to the proverbial there in viral posts and accolades and celebrations. You’ll get to the proverbial there on best seller lists and financial stability.
The proverbial there is where it means something. Where all the blood spilled and tears shed- well, it’s where it matters.
You’ll get to the proverbial there if you can get enough collective people to believe that they’re going with you. People can’t help it. People just want to be seen even if it’s through you.
Especially then.
Because being seen comes at a cost that not everyone is prepared to pay. But hey- when you can skip the payment and afford the glory, well, why wouldn’t you?
But what if our proverbial there isn’t at the top of anything?
What if it’s inside? What if you just want to go home?
Home doesn’t offer shout outs or shares. It doesn’t come with fame or fortune. And it certainly won’t draw crowds of cheerleaders.
Home is sans awards and devoid titles.
And man, not having that recognition or notoriety- it can feel like failing. It can feel like the price that vulnerability charges is too damn expensive and not at all worth the cost.
But home isn’t proverbial, it’s actual.
Its real.
Home is soft. It’s quiet. Where your soul can breath and your heart can feel. It’s where you can bask in the beauty of living.
It’s where you can relax in the comfort of being you.
It’s where you may not be known, but your people know you.
Believe it or not, going home is the most exclusive invitation of all.
So I guess all that to say, I’d like to invite us all to spend less time writing like we’re climbing a mountain and more time writing (aka pursuing passions) like we’re going home.
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