Last year circa Homecoming 2023 my #1 asked me to help him tie his black suit tie around his bright red shirt collar. Never have I ever tied a tie but since we bought him a real tie over a clip-on I did what any modern-day mom would do and YouTubed it.
He crouched at the knees so I could reach his neck all while holding the electronic device showcasing the video tutorial and side eye-ing my progress. Y’all, by the end of the 15th replay, it looked like a tie and I saw the confidence and satisfaction oozing from his magnificent grin and I thought to myself: “I almost missed this.”
Earlier this summer, my husband and I traveled to Oregon for my baby brother’s wedding. He wanted to bring childhood nostalgia to the forefront by visiting some filming locations for movies like The Goonies. We ended up at a beach and I must say that I never really felt like the beach was somewhere I needed to be; I’d much rather circle a bonfire in the fall.
Irregardless, we found ourselves walking along Cannon Beach- my hand tucked like home in his- and to be honest, it was everything I never knew I wanted and I thought to myself: “Man, I almost missed this.”
My #4 recently partook (I don’t know if that’s the correct past tense but it feels right) in a soccer tournament. The competition had quite the advantage and with about five minutes left of the game I watched her dribble the ball from one side of the field to the other. All I could see were her precious cheeks peeking through the duo of opposing players running along side her. She threw all the determination and grit she had into that run.
She went for the shot and if this were a movie, I’d be saying that time slowed down as the ball flew over everyone’s heads and straight beyond the outstretched goalie’s hands bringing home the gold. But this is real life and there was no last minute magical goal glory and I’ll never forget the image of what happened next.
She threw her hands up in frustration and disappointment with a look of passion so deep that it seeped from her aura and inspired the sidelines so intensely that we all felt it and I thought to myself: “Man, I almost missed this.”
I’ve mentioned here a time or two that five years ago, I had an expiration date. I was losing the battle to depression and had I given in to the disease, I wouldn’t be here.
It’s not necessarily in the “one for the books” moments where the magnitude of my healing hits me. It’s in the little moments. The ones I never saw coming. The ones I didn’t even know could exist.
I’m telling you this because September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and I want you to know that it can get better and I really just want to invite you to see what happens if you stay.
Keep going, warriors. I promise you’ll be glad you did. 💚
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