No one:
Me: today feels like a good day to share all my thoughts on the internet and allow any and all people to pass judgement on who I am as a person because I got bored of judging myself.
The internet is loud today guys. I mean loud, loud. And so I thought I would take this moment to…add to the noise.
I don’t know what it is, but if I have something in my head and on my heart I have to get it out. It’s like this crippling weight of urgency that must be expelled from my chest.
IIIIII mean do I have to do it online? No.
Is someone going to say that my opinion is that of an *insert vulgar adjective here*? Probably.
Although who can blame them? If you gave me a penny for my thoughts, you’d still be overpaying. Be that as it may, I do have this weird gravitational pull to write and to subsequently share what I write. Maybe it’s narcissistic maybe its masochistic. Or maybe it’s a little bit of therapy. And maybe it’s freeing. And, maybe it makes me feel like I am contributing to the world in a way that matters. You might be asking yourself: “Ok, but no one cares.” To that I say touché. However, after my last post (shameless plug because that is also who I am) I received a phone call from my #1. When I answered the phone I was met with a “Ha-aay. I just read your blog… I liked it.”
And it was… surreal? Was it surreal? I don’t know. It was just a moment where I thought, somewhere out there it does. It matters.
Also, I’m not the best communicator of the verbal word. My words are usually jumbled and tend to spiral and become circular. I feel like I have to say the same thing in 12 different ways to actually be understood. I have heard that is also a trauma response- overexplaining- or maybe it’s just that my brain isn’t concise and has to hear words before they can become sentences. So, I usually engage in deep conversations the way I write essays: introduction, main point, summary and assessment of the summary. And I think I communicate via the written word in a more succinct manner. Like clearer, shorter points.
Present post excluded.
Anyway, I think the whole point of this introduction is to say that I feel – for lack of a better phrase- led to write and to talk about the things I’m about to talk about.
It’s probably obvious but I have hemmed and hawed on how to structure this post. Like where do I start. I have a really big thing with transparency and authenticity- truly value them. And since I value them, I want to be them. I don’t like the feeling that I might be hiding things (I’m the worst co-conspirator) and I definitely don’t want to be misleading anyone- ever.
I live by the “say what you mean, mean what you say” moral code that I just made up. Kidding, I am sure it came from someone much wiser than I.
Anyway. While negotiating the layout of this blog, I thought about how speakers start their presentations. When I- as a medical professional- attend talks the speaker usually starts out with disclosures. Especially when the talk is hosted by say, a pharmaceutical company. Just to make my point crystal clear, the point of disclosures is to let the audience know any biases that the presenter may have. So, I thought that since I’m making a presentation of sorts, I’ll do the same.
Now, in order to be transparent and make these disclosures, I have to admit something that I’ve been afraid to admit. Not to myself but to the online stratosphere. For years. I have had an internal battle as to whether or not I say the things or just keep said things on the DEE-ELL.
I have wondered if I have the mental and emotional bandwidth to navigate any and all criticism that may espouse from what I am about to disclose. Up until this moment, the answer has been a very hard NURP. Saying something online and on a public forum is always risky. You put something out there and you can’t control where it goes or how it’s interpreted.
Then you add politics into the mix – well, that makes it feel even riskier. And with all the political violence lately, it feels like it might be physically risky. I don’t think some rando on the internet will read what I write and come at me IRL. I guess they could but the more likely risk is that someone I know in real life will read what I’ve written and choose a less than flattering fate for me or worse: my family. A smear campaign or blacklist us from the community or in my worst anxiety ridden case scenario- physically harm us. So, I’ve kept quiet out of perceived fear. I have been vague because vague isn’t a stance and if you don’t take a stance, you can’t offend people and if you don’t offend people, they won’t hurt you. Oh, did i mention I have like a lot of trust issues. If you want the deets on said issues I wrote a book about it. Can’t blame a girl for promoting her work when she’s baring her soul.
Anyway.
I have come to the conclusion (after much overthinking) that I don’t want to live in fear. Even though saying what you really think on the internet should not be fear inducing- for me, it is and this is me facing my fear and saying the thing. This is me standing up and speaking out. Sorry in advance to anyone who is offended and I invite you to still be kind to me. Anyway. Here it is:
I’m a moderate. Yep. One of those.
Not republican, not democrat, not conservative, not liberal, not a one issue down the line ticket voter. I am in the middle of almost every issue.
I’m Christian and I’m pro-choice.
I support gun laws and the 2nd amendment.
Genocide is wrong and so is anti-semitism.
Border security is important and I don’t like the way we’re going about it.
I didn’t agree with Charlie Kirk on all points and he shouldn’t have been killed for his beliefs.
We should be respectful of the laws and law enforcement should be respectful to everyone in return.
Is that it? Did I cover all controversial topics in seven sentences? Oh wait. I have one more. I always thought to myself that I could probably break the internet if I posted this one thing. And since I live in aforementioned fear I have resisted the urge but since we’re shaterring all the glass ceilings today, what the hay- here it is.
It’s a photo of these two books:
Waaaaiiit. Wait.
With the caption: READ.BOTH.
Well, did I do it? Is the internet broken and is everyone coming for my spirit next? Are we okay?
But why? Why can’t we learn about both sides? Why can’t we? Are we so afraid that if we read both that we’ll have a fair and balanced viewpoint? Okay that was a leading and biased question, but truly, why is it controversial to say that I don’t agree with you, but I want to understand you?
I live in the land of “and.” Two things can be true and I would say almost always two things are true.
Can my moderation be considered a cowardly neutral stance? I think that would be a simple assessment of complex, human feelings but yea, I can see where you’re coming from with that. but it’s who I am.
I have been made to feel and or believe (either by the devil on my shoulder or the social media at large) that my “and land” makes me evil. That I’m an enemy to human rights and that I am a hateful human being.
And you know what? I believed it.
The last thing I posted on my social media before ghosting it for a few months was this:
Truly, I live my life by this idea. I can see where people might say that there is no middle ground when you are talking about certain topics- say racism and pedophilia. And to that I would say, um yea agreed. I also have come to interpret that to many, Donald Trump is a symbol of both racism and pedophilia ergo if you’re not emphatically denouncing the party he represents, then you are what those things.
Guys, I think that’s a false equivalency and if you would be so kind to hear me out…
If I were to ask a Republican friend (and yes, I have republican friends) if they believed racism and pedophilia were wrong… Like if I could just ask them that question- no strings attached, no trying to trick you or getting you to admit something else – no underlying motives or ha-ha gotcha’s – just answer the transparent question at hand I know I would get an emphatic and resounding “YES, of course it’s wrong”. Now, there might be debate on the whos of it all but the underlying consensus would be that it is undeniably, unequivocally, unconditionally wrong. Right? Can we at least agree on that?
You know how in math when you add a negative 2 to a plus 2 you get zero? PS I just checked the math on a calculator so I know that’s at least a fact. What if we allowed those two topics to be zeroed out. Put in a box so to speak. Not because they don’t matter but because we all agree they do.
So, my next question is why can’t we compromise? Why can’t we find more places where we agree?
I feel like-based on the time and effort I have put into my scroll- I would get an answer from my more Democrat friends that would be along the lines of: because then you get a president like Donald Trump and Donald Trump’s policies hurt people and that is not okay.
Yes. Valid. Donald Trump doesn’t represent what we want America to stand for. But, what if he does represent who we are as a country?
I know, that’s a hard pill to swallow. I would like to invite you to keep reading.
If we could- for a moment- take the emotion out of it and we could objectively look at his Truth Social account and acknowledge the things that he posts are not calming. They are not reassuring nor are they helpful. Donald Trump is divisive. He posts things that are offensive. He doesn’t apologize for his divisive language and he doesn’t even try to tone it down. In fact, he doesn’t seem to acknowledge that he is creating so much division. I don’t know if that’s a complete lack of self awareness or just a personal pride issue. I don’t know, but I do think that this assessment is about as objective as someone who doesn’t like Donald Trump can make them. Also, I should have put that in my disclosures.
And to my point- if you look at where we are as a country- divided. Not acknowledging when we might be wrong and when someone else is right. Perpetuating the idea that you can’t live in the “land of and” well, it sounds a lot like our president does represent where we are as a country in this moment.
The last reel I posted on my socials before logging off for months was where I talked about the most powerful song lyric that I had ever heard. That lyric is from an artist that Spotify introduced me to and his name is Ike Dwek and the song is Lost Souls and the lyric is “there’s a knife in my back but there’s blood on my hands.”
I mean come on if that isn’t the mic drop of all song lyrics. Can we let that sink in and absorb into our bones for a second.
What if we started listening to each other? What if we’re not “passed that?” What if we stopped calling Republicans racist pedophiles and stopped telling Democrats they are godless snowflakes poisoning the minds of our youth. Before you say “but they are” I’m not talking about the Republicans and Democrats in Washington. Never say never, but I’m pretty sure I will never put in this much effort to defend any one politician. I’m talking about our Republican and Democrat neighbors. What if we stopped saying it’s you versus me and what if we went with an oldie but goodie it is you and me versus the problem? If it works in relationships, why can’t it work in community?
What if put our pride down and acknowledged where we are all harming others and how we can stop doing that.
What if we are- in fact- willing to stop doing that?
What if – and hear me out- instead of expecting a leader to demonstrate how we should behave, we started showing our leaders what we expect?
The confessions in this post either shock the ish out of you, or you’ve been reading what I write and it’s the most boring, obvious reveal of all time. Either way those are my very long winded disclosures so that I may move forward and put in my two cents on the two half time shows.
If you’re thinking “good god woman, you’re still not done?” This will be much shorter (I promise) and in the form of a Q&A to make it more palatable.
First up, Superbowl Half time
Did I know who Bad Bunny was before all this Superbowl talk? No
Was I curious about his songs and listened to them online before the Superbowl? Yes. Was it my cup of tea? No
Did it make me angry that a Spanish speaking artist was invited to perform and performed in Spanish at the half time show for American football? Also no.
Did I watch the half time show? Yes. Did I understand the words? Overall, no.
Did I love the Pedro Pascale cameo? Probably too much.
Did I love Lady Gaga making a show stopping appearance? 100 percent. Did I love the 1999 vibezzz when Ricky Martin appeared? Also, 100 percent.
Did I think it was entertaining and powerful and fun and meaningful and everything that art should be YES, a thousand times yes.
Now, the All American Half Time Show
Do I want to live in a country where people can express their beliefs even if I disagree? Yes.
Did I watch the All American Half Time Show? No.
Do I want to watch it? Also no. However, in the spirit of this post, I’m working to change that no to a yes.
Do I think it’s unfortunate Turning Point USA chose to use their influence to create a competing half time show? Yes. I have spent some time watching Charlie Kirk videos because – again- I want to know what he said- not what he said she said he said. I gather his mission was to allow people from opposing views to express themselves. Now, you may be saying: but Sara weren’t they expressing themselves by putting on their own half time show? For sure. But if they really wanted to do it in the spirit of their founder- I think they should have done it at a non-competing time so that people didn’t have to choose between the two. So both shows could be viewed or “expressed” while the “other side” listened. If anything the timing of this half-time show was symbolic of the division being created by people of influence.
And I just think it’s time to stop.
And if you wanna say “you’ve missed the mark” go ahead, Even if you throw in some expletives, I understand.
If you ever decide that you are in your curious era and you wonder what’ll happen when you have conversations in the spirit of connection just know that there is a space on the internet where you can and that space is right here…for us.
I know that might sound naive and you might be all like: “oh that would be a great world to live in but that’s not how things work.”
And to that I would just say: Okaaay. But why?
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