Are you done yet?

**In order to enjoy this blog, please read in your {friendly} sarcastic voice**

Once you decide to reproduce, you are now opening yourself up to constant judgement and ridicule and incessant questions about how many little wonders {gremlins} you will be gracing {burdening} the world’s presence with.

You learn a lot about society’s statutes on family planning when you are either pregnant or toting a baby on your hip for a decade.  And by ‘society’s statutes’, I mean mandates from your {random} local retail-grocery store loiterers.

Number of pregnancies.  First pregnancy is magical to patrons.  They will “oooo” and “aaaaaaa” and provide you with all kinds of golden tidbits on how to rear this amazing miracle.  Fifth pregnancy.  You will be reminded that there are ways to prevent this  affliction and that you are contributing to the demise of planet Earth.  Your sanity will also be questioned.

Gender.  If you are the parent to a boy and expecting a girl, you now have the perfect family and have met your quota.  It’s all about the gender.  Your continuation of childbearing beyond this point will be met with confusion and ridicule.  Your sanity will also be questioned.

Three children.  This is the acceptable number of children.  When you go beyond this you will be challenged to explain your current form of birth control and be given more effective methods and the hours to your local family -planning clinic.  Your sanity will also be questioned.

Timing.  3-5 years…perfect.  2 years between children and you will get pity-filled looks. Your sanity will also be questioned.

Exceptions.  There is only one.  When you have children of the same gender you are allowed to have as many pregnancies and kids as you want until you get that {treasured} gendered child that will fill that {obvious} void.

If you follow the above decree, then you won’t spend the next 4293 Target trips justifying why you have the family you do.  Upside: you get pretty good at the whole ‘smile and nod’ concept.  And let’s face it, everyone needs a good poker face.

 

 

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