Note{s} to Self

I find myself on repeat a lot.  And shockingly, I keep getting the same results.  I keep thinking this will be the one time it is different; where the cause and effect phenomenon will not hold true.  Apparently, that is a sign of insanity.  Momma is gonna take back her sanity and try a little feng shei…change my life by remembering a few {key} life hacks.

If you leave your coffee on the coffee table, then your children will inevitably dip something in it.  They will not always remember to remove this item and so you will end up with a big gulp of soggy pretzel in your {cold} coffee.

If you leave your shaving cream within arms reach of children, then they will thoroughly spray the entire can all over the bath tub.

If your children spray out an entire can of shaving cream in the bathtub and you do not clean it up in a reasonable amount of time {reasonable is relative}, then it will turn into super glue and you will find yourself on your hands and knees for an hour or more scratching, scrubbing and peeling off this new evolutionary substance.

If you decide to answer a phone call because all of the kids are sitting quietly and playing, then they will instantaneously be starving and dying of thirst and no amount of food and liquid will satisfy them.  Hang up and they will suddenly be full and watered.

If you find that your children are ignoring you, then sit down.  Problem solved.

If you vacuum and mop, then your children will have an insatiable hankering for popcorn and orange juice.  ‘Nuff said.

If your children are playing quietly somewhere and you are sitting down, then be prepared: disaster is in the making.  There are two choices: prevent disaster but risk noise, or enjoy silence and spend their college fund fixing disaster.  I usually opt for the latter.

If your children go to bed without a fight and you do not have a puke bucket near by, then you will be waking up at 3 am to clean up vomit off the bed and carpet and doing 3 loads of laundry before sunrise.

If you look at your grown up little baby and think” they don’t need a sippy cup anymore” and you go with it, then they will spill their drink everywhere.  Every time.  No exceptions. 

If you sneak a cookie, candy or sip of soda after the kids are asleep, then they will immediately wake up and ask you what you are eating.  They will not take “nothing” for an answer.  They will also make a mental note that they now need to climb the cabinets and scale the shelves to find this hiding spot.  And they will find it.  And then they will fake sleep until you are asleep and finish off the goodies before morning.

If you think that your children are old enough to eat out and behave in a restaurant…don’t.

Just trying to help others from falling into the rabbit hole.  Be aware of your surroundings.  Friendly reminders for the fellow ‘rents {and myself}.

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