I am getting knee deep in this self-publishing-book-writing idea and I wish I was the kind of person who could do it all. Like write for other publications, this blog, and my book but, alas that is not me.
I am the type of person who does better on doing one thing at a time. I am technically a multitasker but I don’t multitask well. So since I have to use all my multitasking skills at my day job and in motherhood, I am going to excuse myself from writing multitasking.
If I sit down to write a bunch of blog posts to schedule out then I’ll be all like, “whew, that was productive and I’m done.” I won’t be all like, “alright. I’m done with that part so now let’s do the next thing.” I just cannot keep up with all the things that are considered hobbies. Perhaps that is why I disabled my social media accounts. I am giving- and have been giving- myself permission to drop the extra metaphorical weight.
I mean I probably could manage it all if I really put my mind to it but one of the things on this self awareness and mindfulness journey is realizing that I just don’t wanna. If I am being honest, I can try to put all my energy into all the things but what ends up happening is that I don’t put it where it really needs to be. I would have to sacrifice time and energy with my husband and kids and financial security from my 9 to 5 and if it was just me who could live off beans and rice and hole up in a one bedroom shack in the middle of nowhere, then I think I would do it.
But I am not willing to ask my people to make those types of sacrifices for me. It has taken me an excruciatingly painful amount of time to come to terms with all of this. I kept thinking I could do it all and I kept falling short. And there is nothing more disheartening than always falling short. But on the contrary, there is nothing more empowering than meeting yourself where you are.
It turns out my writing goals are not the same as my values. The only time I really feel fulfilled is when I have poured the best of me into my people. Writing helps me to do that but writing incessantly does not. And since it takes me, on average, seven paragraphs to make a point…
Alllll of that to say that I am setting more boundaries. And I am going to be okay with them. You probably can feel me being here less and that is because I can’t do it all and so I am prioritizing. I’m going to choose to put my writing energy into this book series idea that I have and I hope that I can offer you immense value through it.
And my side point is this: chase dreams. Set goals. Do the things that spark as much joy and life in you as you can fucking muster. Because God damn if the world doesn’t need more people filled with joy and, well, life. But don’t do it at the expense of you values. Don’t trade what really matters for something that doesn’t always matter.
My dear friend told me today that life is about the ebbs and flows. And I think that sums up dialectical thinking in the best way. Sometimes it’ll be doing the things that fills you up and sometimes it’ll be stepping back that does the same. Just go with it.
Honor what you need and where you are in the present moment and then do so unapologetically. We are allowed to move through phases. We are allowed to change our priorities and our minds and our ideas and our goals and ultimately, ourselves. In fact, I think we should encourage it.
The final point here is that this blog is taking a back seat because I am ebbing here. If I’m being honest, this whole book thing is way more intimidating than I originally anticipated and I’m not sure I have what it takes to make it happen. But also, I have what it takes to make it happen. I am on a mission to get Rebel Housewife into paperback and I just wanted to let all y’all fabulous people who keep showing up here day after day- that is where I am and I really hope that you’ll come back when it’s ready to share with you.