*Trigger Warning: This post does present some thoughts that may be triggering for some. I can’t say for sure how someone might be triggered by this blog but I suspect it would bring out defensive instincts in those who have been led to believe that they are either with us or against us and there should be no one in between them. Who is they, us, and them anyway?*
A funny-ish thing happened the other day in a conversation I had with my sister. Not ‘ha-ha funny’ but like interesting funny. And the situation did like it do and made my mind start thinking serious thoughts.
Now, at first, this is gonna sound like an advertisement, but I swear there is a point here and that point is not for you to buy the best-est shampoo in the universe. The reason I say that is because this all started with shampoo and isn’t the mind a crazy thing? How it starts with hair and then takes you are a windy maze of ethical ponderings?
Also, disclaimer: There are no affiliate links in this post. Any links that are linked are for the sole purpose of your viewing pleasure.
Anyway. Let’s get started.
Friends, I’m obsessed. I was introduced to the Pureology brand and it literally brought my hair back to life.
Backstory: sometime around 2020 I lost all my curls. Couple this with the start of the pandemic and I was convinced the world was truly ending.
I joke I joke but seriously, in the words of Austin Powers: Losing my curls felt like losing my mo-jo. I went on this curly girl excursion to revive my lost self, but alas, it was all for naught. I was led to believe that hormonal changes from stress or dear Jesus, menopause (insert gulp here) type things were contributing to these unwelcome changes. To my complete and utter relief, neither instances were true.
Enter Pureology and I’m back with some pretty fabulous curls. For me anyway. I use the purple hydrate bottles and they are incredible. Like it has the smell of what I imagine pure joy smells like. The aroma is phenomenal and comforting. Not to mention it cleans my hair without leaving a greasy residue and leaves it feeling light and fresh. The downside is that it is approximately four times the cost of any other hair product routine I have ever used. But like it’s worth it.
I was talking to my sister about this first world dilemma and she said something that was genius. She said,
“Go Google if there is a cheaper dupe.”
Guys. That thought had not even occurred to me. It was like it’s Pureology or die. Now, that’s the end of my commercial but also, it’s the beginning of my thoughts.
We truly have become a people who see things in black and white. For a society that preaches tolerance, we have become intolerant to the middle ground. There is no room for compromise nor are there alternative options.
I call bullshit.
Therapy introduced me to the idea of dialectic thinking which, in very limited layman terms, means that two things can be true. Our world has led us to think that if we believe two seemingly opposing things to be true, then we are hypocrites.
But what if, really, two things are true?
What if they aren’t in fact opposing viewpoints, but complementary ones?
What if we are actually saying the same thing but in different ways?
Now this is were it can get political. By that I mean heated because the types of things in which there are two kinds of true will rile up the masses.
But hear me out.
I need to insert a disclaimer here because I know that these questions will cause a reflexive,
“What the fuck is wrong with you and here’s why what you’re proposing is harmful” type response.
I do believe that there are absolutes in this world. Some rights and wrongs that are not up for debate.
- Kindness: right
- Equality: right
- Respect: right
- Racism: wrong.
- Discrimination: wrong.
- Hate crimes: wrong.
This is not an all inclusive list, but you get the jist. So if we can all (or most all) agree on the non-inclusive list, why can’t we say what I’m about to say?
Why can’t black lives matter and all lives matter?
Why can’t we be pro-choice and also be Christian?
Why can’t I love to say fuck and also love Jesus?
(Loses readers). Okay, I won’t do this after every thought but you get the point so you can just insert your own inference from here on out.
Why are we either liberal and open minded or conservative and close minded?
Why can’t we believe that we are not responsible for our mental illness, our trauma, or our addictions but we are responsible for our healing and our recovery?
What if everyone deserves to be free and there are morals to live by?
What if everyone should be able to be who they are and God made us who we are supposed to be?
What if we love every single human neighbor and spread the message of the Gospel?
What if there really is a gray area and it’s not all as black and white as social media, and therefore the world, make us believe?
Why can’t we love and cherish each other and still hold each other accountable?
Why can’t we disagree and still be friends?
What ever happened to ethical ponderings and philosophical queries?
Just like my shampoo- why do I think I have to spend all the money on shampoo or have shitty hair. I mean for Christ’s sake, there’s a Google line of dupes in the middle.
Why can’t both things be true?
Why do we have to either accept everything that is being fed to us without question or we are hateful human beings who have no respect for other people’s lives?
Why is it absolutely nerve wracking to even put these questions out into the online world?
I don’t know. It just seems like we are painting ourselves into a corner. We are setting up enemy lines when really there aren’t any to draw.
It just seems like we’ve become afraid of conversation. We have become afraid of listening and understanding. We have become afraid of each other.
Why are we so fucking afraid of all the shades in between the black and white? Because really, I kind of think that life is prettier in color.