Time Out

It’s Mental Health Monday and here’s where I am today.

Brain, tired.

Words, hard.

Not falling asleep where I stand, challenging.

Decision making skills, gone.

Flexibility and adaptability, minimal.

Quick back story:

My #1 had an unexpected appendicitis this past weekend. Now, is appendicitis ever expected? Probably not but my ability to configure adjectives here is limited. It started out with a stomach ache that progressed to a “da fuq is going on?” which progressed to a “he’ll need surgery but you have to drive to the children’s hospital at 2:00 in the morning because rural community hospitals don’t do surgeries on children even if they are man sized ” which then turned into surgery the following evening which means there was no sleep for over 24 hours and when we did doze off it was in a recliner chair slash couch that had the audacity to claim it could double as a bed which is to say that every single muscle in my neck and back found a new way to cramp.

When #1 finally went to surgery this momma had a minor panic attack slash meltdown and when he came back from surgery he looked as small as he had on the day I birthed him and all I could think was “my baby” and me wishing he was tiny enough to scoop up and hold in my arms while he snoozed off the anesthesia.

Which then led to us staying another night in the hospital because everything was drawn out and exhausting and I wasn’t able to drive an hour home on 2 hours in 36 hours sleep.

When we finally did make it home we were forced to resume life with five littles including losing an hour (thank you mister daylight savings or maybe it’s daylight saving and maybe its daylight saving(s) ending rather than beginning but, jackass), celebrating a birthday because 8 year old’s don’t understand why an appendectomy would delay a birthday celebration even when their parents look like death and haven’t changed undergarments for the better part of the weekend and then soccer games galore because all the aforementioned goodness just wasn’t enough.

So. Here we are on a Monday after a I-don’t-know-what-the fuck-that-was weekend and while my brain and body were keeping up pretty impressively they both decided that they were done T-minus 40 minutes ago.

So, I’m popping in at the beginning of the glorious week to say that sometimes we need to do things to maintain our mental health and sometimes we need to do nothing to salvage said mental health.

Today is a nothing day.

I mean it’s a full day. I still am working and mothering and pivoting and all the -ings that come with adulting but I think it is worth mentioning that another coping mechanism that I keep in my psychological toolbox …is resting.

And I feel like it’s important to say that is okay.

I talk a lot about finding joy and keeping at the joys that fuel you. But, I also feel like that gives the impression that I wake up everyday and am keeping at it all.

Nurp.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is bask in the quiet, remain idle, and let our bodies heal and recover from whatever experiences they need to heal and recover from.

Sometimes (and doesn’t sometimes seems to be more often than not?) weekends like this last one happen and then days like today follow where the time and energy we spent on worrying while simultaneously working overly hard to maintain an aura of calmness and clarity take their toll and that energy expulsion catches up to us and begs us to slow down.

And when it does, we deserve to.

7 thoughts on “Time Out

  1. You so need to rest and have a nothing day…although I know that a rest day for a mom is a nonexistent thing.
    Your writing made me laugh and I could relate to your struggles. “look like death”…lol. I feel that pain.
    Glad your #1 surgery went well…hope it’s a smooth recovery and you get back to your normal groove soon too.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. The struggle is real! Motherhood is painfully hard and rewarding simultaneously.
        Glad to hear your child is doing well. Medical emergencies shakes us up to the core. Take care and get rest. I struggle with rest too!
        You’re welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

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