Fitting Rooms

One thing I thoroughly enjoy about writing is the thought processing. It is a way for me to organize my brain and often times gets me to the core of what I am thinking or feeling.

Ironically, that exact same fact gives me pause when I write.

Also, fun fact: I have no idea how to use the word ironically.

Anyway.

Taking words from an abstract thought and transforming them into definitive ones is both satisfying and terrifying. I mean, it’s freaking final, man.

Like you can’t go back and say you didn’t say that or think that or feel that because you basically etched it in stone by putting it to paper or screen. And then taking your processed words which is basically like a diary and putting them out on the internet… Damn.

For a non-commital type person (Hi, me), that’s fucking commitment.

It is out there. Whatever it is.

And onto the next reason I sometmes hesitate to write. I don’t want to obligate myself to a certain thought or opinion. I have been around long enough to know that I won’t feel later how I feel now. That’s the thing about feelings. They are fleeting.

And unreliable.

The “they gods” tell you to stay away from absolute words like always and never. Because the only thing you can always count on is that your feelings will never not change.

Like what I did there?

Anyway.

Isn’t that the epitome of being human? We think our feelings are absolute. That they are final. So much so that they end up guiding our behavior and our decisions.

And I am not a fan of evoking emotion in order to make a case or point. At one time I think I was. But now I want to marinade on things. I want to think about them.

I want to try them on for size before I decide to buy.

For example, I did a thing yesterday. WordPress asked me if I wanted to connect my Facebook, LinkedIn, and or Twitter to this blog so that it would automatically share the links of my new posts to my profiles. Well I don’t have a LinkedIn (should I?) or Twitter (I tried that ish on for size a few years back and was confused as fuck) so that was an easy NO but that damn Facebook question got me all kinds of confused.

Like it made me think way too many thoughts.

For starters I thought: What’s the harm in linking my Facebook? It’s another referral source to this blog. It doesn’t require any extra effort on my part besides putting in my username and password one time and then checking a box that says connect.

So I acted on my feelings and I did it.

But this is how much I struggle with social media. It has infiltrated my brain for the last 24 hours and has been making me ask all sorts of follow up questions.

Like “why do I want Facebook as a referral source?” Because quite honestly, I despise Facebook.

And: “If I am encouraging people to step away from social media why would I use it to share my words or my work?”

But theeeee-en I think: I’m not going to single handedly dismantle social media. It’s not going anywhere and people are on it.

I mean that’s just facts.

So why not use it to my advantage?

And now I’m awful.

Then the next flurry of thoughts entered my mind. “Am I capable of using social media with intention?” Like just share my blog posts to it and move on with my day and in my life?

I mean, it did work. I upped my views and drove traffic to this space. The one thing that I said I wasn’t interested in doing but fucking advertising, man. That shit is effective and the possibility of what could be is way too enticing.

And if the hope of possibility isn’t the most human shit ever.

That. That is what social media does to me. Makes me overthink and over indulge. I know it’s an absolute word but I think that social media will always make me feel this way.

I am not gonna lie, I was thinking I would try to fit my fat ass into that self serving space for a few more days but now that I’m writing and processing…

…now that I’ve put thoughts into words, it’s not worth the inner turmoil it stirs within me.

I’ll be clicking that disconnect check box (also, how?) and keep my blogs in the WordPress wordspace.

But there it is. I’ve made definitive words from abstract thoughts and committed to sharing the battle.

I don’t want to drive traffic from a source I would rather was non-existent. Maybe that’s integrity or maybe it’s stupidity?

It seems the two share a fine line.

I’m all for possibilities but I’m even more for staying true to values.

On that note I do want to encourage another absolute: always try it on for size.

And because this is the internet let’s insert a disclaimer: Don’t try things that are detrimental to your physical, emotional, or spiritual health or are illegal because we also need to use common sense.

But when we are talking about possibility: sometimes we don’t know how we feel until we try it.

The unanswered questions will drive you absolutely insane.

But so will doing things that aren’t you.

So I guess the bottom line is that honoring our values, being true to what makes us…us…

…that’s where the real possibilities lie and those are worth trying on for size.


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